Apparently I’m a fruitcake
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I like cake. I would happily eat cake to a competition standard were there enough cake and an appropriate competition. In the meantime, I'll happily eat cake to a non-competition standard until such time as there is a competition or there is no cake. I would rather the former happened first, but from experience the latter is more likely. I don't like when the latter happens.
I don't like all kinds of cake. There are some that just aren't for me. But I reason that there are enough of the kinds I do like to keep me happy enough not to worry about the ones I don't. I have nothing against those other types of cake. I'm not opposed to their existence—not least because so long as people are eating them, they're not eating the cakes I like. I am puzzled, however, by some of the ingredients.
For example, I don't get cheesecake. I don't really want to get cheesecake either. Cheese isn't an ingredient I would associate with a cake. It's an ingredient I'd associate with a sandwich. It's not a dessert. One might have it with other courses. It can even be a course in its own right. It's not out of place, for example, as the very last course, served on a platter, for the sort of people who didn’t think to order enough in the earlier courses. But it's not a cake ingredient. A cheesecake doesn't even look like cake when it's finished. It's the wrong texture.
Carrot cake instils a similar confusion. Granted, unlike cheesecake, it does actually resemble a cake when finished. But a carrot is a vegetable. Its place is in the main course alongside other vegetables. I have no problem with carrots. As vegetables go, they’re rather innocuous. But, like cheese, while it can be many other things, a carrot is not a dessert. Carrots, therefore, are not an ingredient I'd expect to find in a cake, regardless of how much sugar they may contain. One wouldn’t put icing on a potato, nor (I hope!) put sprouts in whipped cream. So why anybody would put carrots in a cake is beyond me.
Fruitcake, on the other hand, works. This is because fruit can be a dessert. It can, in fact, be many different kinds of dessert. I’m not ordinarily a massive fan of fruit. I'm not even a particular fan of fruit-based desserts. But put it in a cake and wonderful things happen. At least for me. Oddly, my friend thinks I'm crazy for liking fruitcake. This same friend, incidentally, decorates cakes—fruitcakes included—as a hobby. She's also very fond of cheesecake and carrot cake, which we've already established shouldn't really be cakes at all. But she can't stand fruitcake and thinks I'm a fruitcake for liking it.
I won't judge those who eat carrot cake. And since it is vaguely cake-like when it's finished, I won't argue its classification either. I’m even open-minded about those who eat cheesecake, even if it does sully the good name 'cake' and should do the decent thing and seek some other classification: perhaps torte or pie. But for me, fruitcake remains king (or queen, if you’re so inclined). And apparently I am what I eat.