Downgrading your upgrade
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Ordering a mobile phone should be a simple process. You select the phone you want, you pick a contract, then within a few days your phone arrives and you start using it. I had always been under the impression that it was this easy. Indeed I had even had just such an experience a couple of years ago when I first bought an iPhone 4 on the Orange network. Now that I'm due and upgrade and as I'm already with Orange, I assumed the process of getting a new phone couldn't be that hard. The trouble with assumptions is that they're sometimes wrong.
14th September 2012: Pre-orders for the iPhone 5 officially begin. As I've enjoyed having an iPhone 4 up until now and, since July, I'm out of contract and eligible for an upgrade, I visit the Orange website and pre-order Apple's latest release, starting a new two year contract.
20th September 2012, 19.57: Orange text me with a link to their website offering advice on how to get up and running with my new phone. At this point I don't have the phone yet. A quick look reveals nothing of any practical use to anybody with or without a new phone so I decide not to bother going back.
21st September 2012: The iPhone 5 is officially released. There is much rejoicing among those who manage to get their hands on one on release day. I'm not one of them.
21st September 2012, 17.46: Orange text to tell me they haven't forgotten about my new phone and promise to be in touch when it is on the way. That sounds reasonable, though I had hoped they'd dispatch it while I'm at home to receive it so I don't have to get it redelivered.
24th September 2012, 10.31: Orange text to remind me that my bill date is the 12th of the month. As far as I recall, this has always been the case in the two years I've been with them.
27th September 2012, 07.38: UK Mail text me to say my Orange order has been scanned into a delivery van and provide me with a consignment number. At this point I'm on my way to work and know there's nobody home.
27th September 2012, 08.37: A UK Mail driver calls me to ask how to find my house. I'm used to this as the house is a new build and it's not on all satellite navigation systems yet. To save him a wasted journey, I inform him I'm not home. He asks where I live anyway in case he needs to redeliver. I tell him.
27th September 2012, 10.31: I visit the UK Mail website and, using the consignment number they sent, I try to rearrange the delivery. Unfortunately they only have the next three week days available, none of which I can be at home for to receive delivery. I email their support team to ask what options I have. They never reply.
28th September 2012, 08.54: Orange text me to tell me I benefit from being on the EE network. I make a mental note to look up the word 'benefit' to see if it's changed since I last used it.
28th September, 2012, 09.20: I call Orange to explain my predicament and ask if they'll help me either rearrange the delivery for either a Saturday or get it sent to my work address. The operator stops listening halfway through and repeatedly interrupts with solutions to problems I don't have. At the point where I finally think I'm getting my point across, he says he won't help that I need to contact UK Mail. I know this isn't the case but having already explained this to him, I eventually concede defeat and decide to humour him.
28th September 2012, 10.57: On said Orange operator's advice, I try to phone UK Mail. Nobody answers. Just as I'm beginning to worry that their office has been overrun by a hoard of zombies, I notice they have a Twitter stream and somebody is operating it. Probably from a mobile device in a cupboard to avoid the zombies. I message them to ask them if there is a way they can help change the address for my delivery. They refuse, telling me, as I already know, that this instruction has to come from Orange.
28th September 2012, 14.19: Orange text me to tell me I'm part of the EE network again and recommend turning my phone off and on again to see 'EE' instead of 'Orange' on my phone. I don't bother as I already see 'EE'.
28th September 2012: I arrive home to find a card from UK Mail, having tried to deliver the phone to my house again, despite being told I won't be there.
1st October 2012, 12.58: I call Orange to ask again if they'll rearrange the delivery for me. This operator is more helpful. He calls UK Mail to be told they won't do a Saturday delivery but that I can change the address. I provide the Orange operator with my work address. I have to spell virtually every word, sometimes using the phonetic alphabet. At the end of an eighteen minute phone call, he promises it will all be sorted and I finally end the call with my optimism renewed.
2nd October 2012: I arrive home to find another card from UK Mail. Apparently, despite being told on several occasions that I won't be there, and (if the last operator I spoke to is to be believed) being provided with my work address where they're more or less guaranteed to be able to find me, they thought they'd instead try my home address again for a third time. I briefly wonder whether the zombies have now got to the van drivers.
4th October 2012, 13.02: I call Orange to ask them to see if they can rearrange the delivery. Again. I am told that UK Mail have tried to deliver the phone four times (one more than I am aware of). It is now on its way back to Orange. The Orange operator tells me I need to phone them again tomorrow to arrange another delivery. Alternatively, she suggests I visit an Orange store and see if they will give me a phone.
5th October 2012: On the way home from work, I visit an Orange store and explain my situation. They suggest that I cancel my existing order with Orange, get a refund, then sign up with them. They don't have any phones at the moment, but I'm welcome to pre-order one and they'll add me to the list when they get some in at some point in the next couple of weeks. I explain that I'll try phoning the Orange support line again as they technically already have one that they can send to me.
5th October 2012, 17.16: I call Orange on the off chance I can arrange a re-delivery. I'm not confident, but this time the operator I speak to is really helpful and assures me that he can sort it out. He takes the address for my office and reads everything back to me. He then calls UK Mail while I'm on the line to pass on the details and comes back to me to confirm that it is done—even reciting the address again to make sure. He assures me it will be delivered to my work address on Monday (8th October).
8th October 2012: I wait patiently for my phone. It isn't delivered.
9th October 2012: My phone still isn't delivered.
10th October 2012, 09.48: I call Orange to find out what's happening with my phone. I'm told the phone has been returned. I'm told my order, in its entirety, has been cancelled. I check my bank account to find the money hasn't been refunded. I'm told that could take one or two weeks. I consider starting a zombie army.
Update (16th November 2012): About a dozen phone calls and over a month later, I was finally refunded for the phone I paid for two months earlier as part of the order Orange cancelled without telling me on a day when I was waiting for it to be delivered based on a promise from one of their operators. I'm already drafting my letter of complaint and looking at alternative providers.