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First impressions

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By definition, you only ever get one first impression. And in some cases the future you have in mind may depend on it. It's annoying, therefore, that making the right one isn't always straightforward. Any number of things could let you down: your appearance, how you present yourself, what you do, what you say, or perhaps what mood your audience is in. Even the circumstance itself can play a big part. When it works, it's great, but sometimes things can go badly even when we thought we'd prepared for every eventuality. It's a wonder any of us make a good first impression at all.

It is human nature to pick fault. Often we do it without meaning to, knowing full well we shouldn't. It's easy to judge a person by what they look like, for example, but it is unlikely their physical characteristics will give the whole picture. The nuances, highlights and/or flaws of someone's character may be tucked away from view and only lured out through meaningful conversation. For some, however, appearance alone is enough to prevent that conversation from happening or may add a misleading bias to it if it does.

When a person's appearance isn't outwardly offensive, it falls to what they say to let them down. There are some things one should always avoid when first meeting someone. Opening a conversation with "gosh, that's a shiny head" or "wow; are those real?" isn't likely to earn any long term friendships. Anything from the 'pull my finger' school of social interaction is probably best left alone. Neutral topics are safest if you don't know what sort of thing your new acquaintance likes. If you get stuck, there's always the weather to fall back on, unless you're in Britain, which doesn't often have any.

Children seem to be the universal exception. Any ineptitude on their part is put down more to inexperience than stupidity. If anything, the scruffier they appear and more unabashed their conversation, the cuter they're deemed to be. In a way I envy them for it. Their unintentional gaffs can be a source of great amusement—though they should, of course, be corrected where possible. As amusing as it was to hear a child on the bus quite innocently pointing out an empty seat next to "that old, fat lady" the other day, I would hope the parent in charge corrected her when they stopped laughing.

I've never been great with first impressions. I'm shy, I'm quiet and it takes a few meetings before I start to come out of my shell. By this time that first impression, good or bad, has already been made. I've found my best course of action is just to survive them. I don't go out of my way to impress. I don't put myself on the line if I don't have to. I'm more comfortable with people getting to know me gradually over time anyway, and hopefully I can build a better impression as time goes on. I just need to make sure the first one isn't a disaster so I get another chance.


Tags: appearance | conversation | first impressions