On being a feminist
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I grew up surrounded by strong women. Both sides of my family were, and still are, highly matriarchical. My mother is the eldest of three sisters, with an older brother who, with the best will in the world, never stood a chance once they started appearing. My nan ran that household. As I mentioned in an earlier post, my granddad was a very quiet man. What I didn't say was that this may have been because he wasn't given many opportunities to speak. My dad was the youngest of another four-child family. He was the runt to three older sisters, all far stronger and more sensible that he would ever be. (Well... stronger.) I have only vague memories of my granddad on that side—he died when I was two—but, at least as long as I've been around, I remember my nan running things there too. She was very much the centre of the family, holding us all together and making sure we were fed. A decade after her passing, that influence still lives on. (That and the echo of being asked if we've had enough to eat.)
My mum wore both the dresses and the trousers in our household. (Though judging by the pictures, lots of people dressed like this in the eighties.) She was the bread-winner, decision-maker, thing-doer and noise police all rolled into one. While my parents were at work, I spent my earliest years with childminders. The first, and longest-serving, was a woman with two daughters of her own—both older than me—and, several years later, a third on the way. I rarely saw their father, or indeed any other males except my dad and uncles, until I started school. Mainly I just remember the childminder, Yvonne, being such a kind and inspiring woman that, when she eventually decided to go back to full time employment, I was near inconsolable. (At least, that was, until my mum told me the next childminder had a hamster. I could put that down to being very young and fickle, but if I'm honest, my preference for animals over people started as soon as I realised what pets were.)
As a child, I always tended to get on better with girls than I did boys. Perhaps this is because of the number of women that shaped the first few years of my life. Perhaps it was because I've never been especially 'boyish'. I didn't like football, like all the other boys did. I didn't like fighting. Pushing people over and laughing seemed mean, and I bruised like a peach whenever someone did it to me. I also didn't regard the girls in my classes as being an entirely different species. This gave me something of an edge when it came to crossing the gender divide during lessons. Indeed, the first non-teacher I spoke to on my first day of school was a girl. I don't recall the conversation itself, but I'm sure, even at age four, that I would have dazzled her with my sparkling wit, as I continued to do for many years afterwards. (Sorry, Dawn. Truly.) Of course, the natural tribalism that occurs at school tended to see the children group themselves by gender when it came to break times, but for me at least the integration was never much of a chore when it eventually happened.
As a teenager, girls became a lot more interesting to most of my male peers. Pushing them over lost much of its appeal, and croaking faint praise on the off chance they pushed back became preferable instead. Having spent several years, by that point, in predominantly male social groups, seeing my current group merge with an all-female equivalent (in our case, over a shared love of music) was a welcome development. While, admittedly, still battling the usual teenage demons, I was at least able to make use of several hitherto dormant skills to form new friendships. I may not have had much luck on the romantic side of things, like several of my peers did, but I earned more stars than any other boy in my year on my lifetime 'Friend-zone' membership card. (Granted, at the time, teenage-me would happily have swapped that card in a heartbeat if I'd found anyone willing to trade, but in the long run, I'm glad I didn't.)
Among that group, there were several very strong girls, who would go on to be even stronger women. Since then, I've had still more strong female friends who have each, in their own way, made a significant impact on my life. In fact, to date, it's the women I've met who have shaped me the most. Whether as family or friends, I am who I am today because of the women I have been lucky enough to know—and by some, of course, more than others. I wouldn't be half the person I am, nor have the vast majority of the things I have, nor do the things I do, if not for those women. They influence my deeds, my decisions, my work, my creativity and my ambitions. If only to honour them, I hope that shines through in the things I put out into the world; not least in my writing, where—in art, as in life—it is often the strong female characters who carry the day.
I know my contributions to achieving true equity are but a drop in an ocean, but then I'm lucky enough to come from a background where—at least in a social and familial sense—that wasn't too much of an issue. But, since I firmly believe that everyone deserves the same opportunities in every aspect of life, on this International Women's Day 2018, and on every single day before and after it, I am proud to declare that I am a feminist. As the women in my life, past and present, are the most inspirational people I know, how could I be anything else?